taygoo
  • Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
  • Me: *turns up music*
  • Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
  • Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
  • Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
  • Me:
  • Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
  • Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
  • Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
  • Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
  • Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
  • Lady cop: I can make that happen.
  • Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
  • Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
  • Entire train: *applauds*
hoyitspaolo

Surefire way to get nudes

  • Girl: " Why do you always want nudes? Nothing has changed, I'm exactly the same
  • Me: " Scientists estimate that the human body is made up of around 10 trillion cells in total. Your skin makes up about 16 percent of your body weight, which means you have roughly 1.6 trillion skin cells. Of course, this estimate can vary tremendously according to a person's size. Of those billions of skin cells, between 30,000 and 40,000 of them fall off every hour. Over a 24-hour period, you lose almost a million skin cells"
  • Me: " So this means every second your body is changing and as a scientist I like to mark every new discovery"
  • Girl: " Well I can't argue with science, pussy or butthole?